The big day is coming and while kids are dreaming of what they want  for Christmas, I (as a mom) am dreaming of my kids reaction to Christmas.

Delighted screams and sparkle in their eyes as they see the magical proof that santa was here. Or the surprise turn of gratitude from my teen as he holds his new electronic in his hands, realizing mom and dad really aren’t that bad after all….

 

Wait… back up…. hear the record scratching off its track?

 

Yeah…. never seems to turn out the way they want, and it in turn doesn’t turn out the way we want.

 

And that’s okay!
If you are a fan of the Griswold Christmas Vacation, you’ll also delight in the chaos as well!

 

Or at least come to expect and maybe even dread it.

 

However I have found a trick I want to share with you on HOW to get your kids prepared for the holidays, to increase gratitude and participation,  and decrease whining, disappointment, and frustration.

 

First thing to know is this:
Just because your child doesn’t act grateful, doesn’t mean they are not, and doesn’t mean they are not enjoying this magical Holiday.
Even if they say it was the worst Christmas Ever,  Doesn’t mean you failed! It just means. they have a big emotion inside of them that they don’t know how to properly express, so it comes out in the form of grouping the whole day (or season) into one big failure.

 

Your child is not ungrateful just because they don’t know how to properly express their disappointment.

They just haven’t learned how to express these new big emotions.
So we get to teach them!

 

Couple of things to help children with their big emotions.

 

1 – If you know your kids (and I assume you do) and you know their triggers (think back… birthday parties? Camping? Family gatherings? or Day at the pool?) You probably know and anticipate their reactions to change, excitement, the unexpected surprise, disappointment, etc.

 

 

So my tip #1

 

Take Time for Training Outside of the Moment.

 

What does this look like?
For us, we do what I call a “Huddle” and it’s exactly like it sounds.
It’s a training moment “outside or regularly scheduled training” where we need to quickly discuss an important topic, and in this case “Christmas”.

 

I get my big Dry Erase board out, and I announce to the children “Huddle! Christmas is coming and  I want to talk about what is going to happen, some things we will do, and some feelings you may have during the holidays”

 

Then we talk about things we know will happen and things we know could happen.
Neighbors may drop off gifts or cookies.
Will we go caroling? What songs will we sing? (get their input so you can have their cooperation)
Picking a Holiday Puzzle, and holiday crafts (again get their input so you can have their cooperation)

 

Then talk about the feelings they MIGHT have.
(being sure not to single anyone out, this is a safe training session)
Talking about feelings that may come up outside the moment,  actually takes away its power inside the moment because they don’t feel so alone when they hit.
They are prepared for them.

 

 

So example:
“Let’s say a neighbor friend brings a cupcake for brother number 1, how do you think brother #2 will feel?”  (then listen) “yeah maybe sad? Jealous? Angry?”
Yes that is normal
“What can we do in situations like this?”
(then talk about it, usually when they give their ideas “I’ll be happy for him instead of mad” or “maybe I can share my cupcake with brother”
What you are doing is planning in advance a path they can think back on when the time comes.  v.s. if it is just sprung on them, which causes scary dis-regulation inside them and they express it in an unpleasant manner

 

“what about if grandma gets you a stuffed animal that you love, but you asked for legos, how do you think you may feel?”
“Yes, disappointed, sad, frustrated, misunderstood, and how do you think you may WANT to act?” (Talk about it)  “And what would be a kind response to grandma?” (You may be surprised at what your kids come up with)

 

THEN talk about what you will do inside the moment. 
It could be something as simple as “I will give you a wink to let you know I understand you didn’t get what you wanted but that you are trying really hard to still say thank you to grandma” to “if your emotions are still too big to contain, I will take you for a walk outside, or a different room, and I will help you get back to feeling better.

 

Tip #2

When the time comes and they either nail it or blow it, but you see that the disappointment happened, give a lot of empathy, then execute the plan you previously discussed if they find they are struggling in the moment.

 
Bonus Tips:
When you are having your family “huddle” and talking about what to expect, this is a great time to include family activities that will happen that day and their involvement in it.
So for us, we may go visit family at 1 pm, we make a stuffed French toast the night before to put in the oven Christmas morning.  We will need to throw away wrapping paper and clean up breakfast.   Christmas evening gets boring so we come up with a plan on what to do then.  
And if you are like me, “what time do Mom and Dad get to take a nap?”

 

The more we can involve our kids in planning, participation, what to expect, and give them the power of what their role will be in the process, the more we increase the odds of a peaceful day.

 

 

And the most important thing is showing your kids that their feelings are normal and that they are safe to have ALL their feelings, with you.  

 

If they learn this while they are small, then they will know they can turn to you when they are big.

 

 

Happy Holidays Everyone! And drop a comment if you have any comments, questions or suggestions on having a peaceful holiday!